What this tool is for

If your toddler has started clinging to your leg at nursery drop off, melting down when you pop to the kitchen, or swinging between wanting to do everything themselves and crawling back into your lap, this tool gives you a quick read on what might be going on. It matches your child's age and behaviour to one of Margaret Mahler's stages of separation-individuation and explains the thinking behind what you are seeing.

Mahler's framework covers the first three years or so, from newborn through to the toddler years, when children work out that they are a separate person from their main caregiver. Knowing which part of that process your child is in can make day to day behaviour feel less baffling.

When it might help

It is aimed at parents, grandparents, childminders and early years staff looking after children from birth to around three. It is particularly useful if you are puzzled by a sudden change, for example a baby who was happy with anyone now crying at the sight of a stranger, or a toddler who was confidently toddling off at the park now refusing to leave your side.

It is not a diagnostic tool and it will not tell you whether something is wrong. If you have genuine worries about your child's development, speak to your health visitor or GP. Think of this as a way to understand ordinary toddler behaviour through one well known lens, alongside anything else you read or hear from professionals.

How it works

You enter your child's age in months and a short description of the behaviour that has prompted you to look this up. The tool then gives you a plain English summary of the Mahler stage that fits, what is usually happening developmentally at that point, and a few practical suggestions for how to respond. It takes less than a minute, and nothing you type is saved or shared.